Love or Lust?
by AshNPadfoot
Summary: Takes place after Paradise Lost... Reed has a dilemma. Who does she choose? Upton or Josh and most importantly, who is the person who is trying to kill her?
1. Chapter 1

_This is about the characters in the Private Series and none of those characters belong to me. They belong to Kate Brian. I only have certain extra characters that are a figment of my imagination. Please review!!!!_

I felt the freezing water trying to swallow me whole and all I keep praying was that I still had some of my "nine lives" as Gage so adequately put it. After everything I have been through, there was no way that I was going to die at the hands of the ocean. I started to tread water and I was trying to scream as loud as possible in case one person may hear my desperate pleas for help.

"HELP!!!!!! Somebody PLEASE HELP!!!!!" I screamed in a pitch that only dogs could probably hear. I screamed for as long as five minutes before I gave up. I started to think about things logically. We were probably nowhere near land because we had been on the sea for quite some time. And eventually I would not have the strength to tread water any longer. I was going to get tired and then I would start to fall under the surface and breath in water. Which would cause me to drown in the matter of minutes. I would die out here and no one would notice.

Upton would not notice that I was gone because he was off comforting Poppy. This cannot be happening. I took a deep breath and went under the surface a bit in order to reach around and unzip my dress. This was either a really smart move or a really stupid one. I would either die of drowning a bit faster because the dress was so heavy or I would die of Hypothermia. Either way, at this moment I was screwed. I took another breath and started to swim toward the boat.

After about twenty minutes of vigorous swimming, I was within a hundred yards of the boat. It looked like the boat had stopped and there were searchlights coming from the upper decks. Good they realized that I was gone and they are searching for me! That gave me a bit of hope as I swam as hard and as fast as my tired arms and legs would take me. I looked like I was close enough to get someone's attention so I started to yell and splash. This made me even more tired and I started to fall even further under the surface. I accidently took in a breath while I was under and I started to choke and panic.

When I resurfaced, I vaguely heard a splash somewhat near me and I barely felt the strong arms that surrounded me. I vaguely remembered hearing the pleas of one soft and sweet voice.

"Please Reed, Stay with me…. Please. I love you Reed. Please stay with me!" Upton urged as a started to black out.

I felt cold and numb as someone was pounding on my chest. I suddenly started to panic thinking that I was drowning because of all of the water that I was choking on. And I thought that maybe a Great White shark and gotten a hold of me and was playing with his food before he savored my blood.

"Come on, Reed! Wake up!" I heard a voice yell. I felt the hard wood floor under me as someone was putting pressure on my chest once again. I started to cough and choke once more and then I felt the sensation of air filling my lungs once more.

"Omigod! Reed! Thank God!" I heard Taylor's voice scream out. I opened my eyes and I looked around at all of the faces surrounding me. The first face that I saw was Upton's face and he had the most scared look on his face. It was the same look that Josh had for me every single time he was seriously worried about me. For a second, I forgot all about Upton running after Poppy Simon. And how he had left me in a moment of need to comfort someone whom he said he didn't care about.

Noelle was next to him looking at me with the wide-eyed scared expression on her face. And for some reason, even though I was laying on the ground in my bra and underwear and I was freezing and barely breathing I wanted to make her feel better so that she would not have that look on her face.

"Every back up, now. She needs to get some air." The captain said wrapping my inside of a blanket. I suddenly wanted to disappear but at the same time I wanted to tell everyone that there was a killer among them. As I thought about this, I had this sick sensation inside of stomach of déjà vu.

And then it hit me. Upton, in a way, was Thomas. Upton was Thomas in the sense that he was a player and every single girl wanted him and yet he chose me. He was also Thomas with his charisma and hot body. Thomas had the same effect on a ton of girls at Easton. And in the end, it was one insane girl whom I trusted that tried to kill me. It was all happening all over again. Why was it happening all over again? I suddenly felt bile rise up in my throat and I turned my head to the side and started to throw up. I saw the glimpse of a green gown before I started to retch again.

The sun was burning my face and my body was sweating in the intense heat. I was surrounded by soft pillows and blankets. I felt weight on my legs and when I turned in the bed to look the opposite way, I was looking at a sleeping Noelle. And right next to her was Kiran who was sprawled all over Noelle's waist and part of my leg. Taylor was the person who was lying on my feet. When I moved, I woke the others and they all jumped up when they saw me.

"Oh thank god, you are finally awake." Noelle said pushing my un-kept hair out of my eyes. I yawned and looked at the three expectant faces looking at me.

"Someone pushed me off of the boat." I said quickly. They all looked at each other and then back at me. I wasn't sure if they would believe me or not but I wanted them to. I wanted them to be there for me.

"Reed, Honey… are you sure? I mean the decks were slippery and you could have easily have fallen." Noelle said softly as if she was breaking bad news to me. I looked at her and shook my head. They had to believe me after everything we have all be through. After everything I have been through.

"Yes, I am sure! I was standing on the deck looking out at the water and then I felt someone grab at your necklace and choke me with the necklace while pushing me over the railing. I didn't see who it was but I know that someone tried to kill me." I said in a rushed sense. I felt the old paranoia set in as I looked at each of their dubious faces.

"Reed…" Kiran started. I stopped her by putting my hands up in the air and jumped out of the bed.

"Listen guys, I swear to you that someone is trying to kill me. Don't you know by now that when I say stuff like this that it is actually happening?" I said a little too loudly.

"Ok, fine. Say that someone is trying to kill you. Who would it be?" Noelle said in her usual standoffish attitude. I thought about that for a second and a few names came to mind. The first and obvious name would be Poppy. She hated me because I was the one hooking up with her "boyfriend". Then there was Paige because I was the one who stood up to her when I first got to the island. It could have been Amberly, Daniel, or a number of people on the boat that did not like me one bit.

"How about Poppy for one?" I said stating the obvious. Each girl shook her head at that suggestion. Why was it so outrageous that she was as insane as Ariana? She hated me just like Ariana did and when she was at Easton. I started to feel frustrated.

"That's not possible. Poppy had run through the casino crying and she headed to the bathroom. There was no way that she was going to get out of there. Everyone saw her. She had a ton of girls surrounding her the entire time." Noelle explained. I shook my head wishing that I was not believing it. Wishing that it were that simple and she was the one trying to kill me. I wanted to know, if I knew then I could have peace of mind.

"Reed, I honestly have known all of these people since we were kids. I don't think that they are capable of murder at all." Noelle said and the other two girls nodded in agreement.

"You thought the same thing about your best friend, Ariana." I said quietly. I didn't want to bring that up but she was all I could think about. The look in her eye that night when she tried to kill me kept creeping into my mind. All over one boy who rejected her and chose me. I was tired to being of attracting those kinds of psychos.

"Nice one, Glass-licker. I was just trying to help you." Noelle said getting up off the bed. She looked like she was hurt for a split second and then her regular relaxed, in control self was there again. I did not want to hurt her like that but I was so scared at who might be stalking me and trying to kill me.


	2. Chapter 2

I turned off the water from my long shower. I don't remember how long I was in there or how long it took before the water was freezing. I knew that it had to be a long time because my hands felt soft and wrinkly. I hated that feeling and I wanted nothing more than lotion to correct my skin. I walked into my room with nothing but a towel around me.

"Reed…" I heard the perfect British accent before I saw the perfect body laying on my bed staring at me. I immediately pulled my towel tighter around me so that there was no chance of any areas being revealed. He was flipping though one of my old used books as he stared at me with those beautiful eyes. And even though I was angry with him, I was still melting.

"Upton." I said in a short clipped voice. I turned my back to him and grabbed some clothes out of the dresser by my closet. He got up off the bed and walked toward me. I suddenly wanted to run into the bathroom and hide until he disappeared.

"Reed… please talk to me." He said putting both of his hands on my shoulders tenderly. He started to rub and massaged my shoulders in a loving way that made me want him like I did last night. I shrugged him off of me and walked with my clothes in hand to the walk in closet. I shut the door partially and ripped my towel off to pull on jeans.

"Upton, I do not want to talk right now. I know why you ran after Poppy. It is obviously because you are not over her." I said grabbing my shirt and pulling it over my bra. I finished buttoning up my jeans before I walked out. The look that was on Upton's face was a look of hurt.

"I swear to you that it's not that. I just have known her since we were kids and I don't want a friend to be upset." Upton said reaching for me again but I backed up against the wall. If I wanted to keep a level head, I had to not let him touch me and make me melt.

"What about me Upton? Am I a friend? Am I more? What am I to you? You say that you love me and yet you leave me alone in one of the most embarrassing moments of my entire life! Upton I NEEDED YOU!" I said finally letting go of all of my pent up anger. I was the one who was in need. Poppy could have waited and he could have comforted me as well. Upton hung his head and walked closer to me. This time I did not walk away or attempt to move.

"I'm sorry Reed. I thought that it was more embarrassing and hurtful for her because you have my heart. You have all of me and she doesn't." He said holding my hand and caressing the inside of my palm with his thumb. I looked down at both of our hands and I felt like I wanted him to kiss me like he did last night. He bent his head down and gently his lips touched mine. My whole body exploded with pleasure and suddenly I wished that I still had on just my towel. He started to lift me up into his strong arms and pull me into him. Every second that his hands were on me made my skin feel like it was on fire. I pulled away from him and his scorching touch. I did not want to be pulled back in when I had finally gotten out.

"Upton… no. We can't do this. No, I can't do this. We are over." I said looking him in his eyes. He looked at me with pleading eyes as if begging me to come back into his warm arms. Oh, how I wanted to be in those arms once more.

"Reed, please I'm sorry. I love you Reed. You know that."

"You have a funny way of showing it. Because when you love someone, you don't leave me. Good bye Upton." I said turning my back to him and walking over to my door. I held the door open and looked at me as if he had never heard those words out of a girls mouth before. He stood there for what seemed like forever but he finally walked past me with his head down. His left hand reached out and his fingertips brushed my arm as he walked out of my room and my life.

Noelle walked into my room as soon as Upton was out of the door. She took one look at me and then put her arms around me in a comforting way. She pulled me back over to my bed and we both just sat there in silence. Seconds after, my other two best friends walked in and joined us. Kiran had Champagne and right behind Taylor, came a tray full of goodies. There were chocolate covered strawberries, and other various pastries that looked absolutely delectable.

"You guys, what are you doing?" I asked them as they placed the tray on the big bed and started to pour champagne into flutes. Noelle passed me a flute and then offered me a chocolate covered strawberry. I took one and bit into the hard chocolate and soft delicious strawberry.

"We are throwing a Fat Phoebe party! You definitely deserve one." Kiran said grabbing her own little pastry. Taylor downed the rest of her flute and nodded in agreement before grabbing a piece of chocolate cake.

"And we are here to talk about who could possibly have the motive to kill you. We are going to find out who did this and we are going to make them pay." Noelle said snapping her fingers and a gentleman came in carrying a big white board. On the board were the names of the people with whom we had spent the last week with. All of them had bullet points next to their names just waiting to be filled in.

"First we will start with Poppy." Taylor said grabbing a marker and walking up to the board. I stared around and the three friends who stood in front of me and I felt a sudden surge of happiness and safeness. My friends would always be there for me, even if it meant going against what they believed.

We spent the next hour eating, laughing, and formulating who could possibly be the one who had pushed me off.

"I don't think that it is tiffany! She was on our side." Kiran said downing another flute of champagne. We had gone through almost everyone and we assessed whether or not they had the motive, the physical strength or the what they would gain. My phone bleeped and I thought that it was Josh which made my heart jump instantly. When I picked it up and realized that it was Scott, I felt stupid for believing that Josh would be texting me or calling me.

"Waiting on Hollis?" Noelle asked. I looked up at her in awe. How did she always read my mind? It still amazed me how much Noelle knew.

"Yeah. I figured I would at least receive a text." I said looking back down at my phone. My heart felt heavy and I wanted nothing more than to see and hear Josh.

"Well, Glass Licker. You never know." She said with a small smile. And with that she got up and walked out of the room. The other two followed her and I was left alone. Before I could get up and follow them out. A figure stood in my doorway. I recognized the way that he shuffled his feet and the way his blond curls were disheveled and my heart jumped into my throat.

"Reed…" He said with a grin that made me want to jump into his arms. The only thing that was keeping me from jumping into his arms was the fact that I had no clue whether or not he would freak out. I couldn't take his rejection right now.

"Josh!" I said with an excited look on my face. He ran over to the bed and scooped me up in his arms. The arms that I had longed to hold me and comfort me. I never realized how much I needed and wanted him until this very moment. He pulled back and looked me in my eyes. Both of his eyes darting back and forth searching for anything in mine. His eyes traveled down to my lips for the briefest of seconds and I wanted to scream at him to kiss me already.

He leaned in and softly and tenderly kissed me. I felt his arms holding me close to his body and we started to mold around each other. I loved him. I loved everything about him. I felt safe and sound and I knew that no one would ever hurt me again. Not while I was in Josh's arms.


	3. Chapter 3

After a few hours of making out and talking, there was a knock at my door. Josh was on top of my playing with my hair and gazing into my eyes. He shifted off of me and looked toward the door.

"Come in." I said with swollen lips and Josh's hand resting on my stomach. Noelle walked in with a knowing smirk.

"I think we gave you guys enough time to do it and get it over with… twice." She said looking at our flushed faces. I blushed and gave her a 'yeah right' look.

"Sorry to break up the love session, but we were wondering if you would join us for lunch." Noelle asked looking from me to Josh. I was definitely hungry but I didn't want Josh to feel uncomfortable around the Billings Girls.

"Definitely." He said getting up off the bed and pulling me into him as we followed Noelle down the stairs to meet the other girls.

At the restaurant, Josh was practically sitting on top of me he was so close. And he refused to let go of my hand. The five of us were joking and laughing when Upton grabbed a seat between Noelle and myself. My face burned with anger and I became rigid. Josh sensed this and pulled me into him.

"Reed, is this your brother?" Upton asked as if I was being rude to him by not introducing him to Josh.

"No, actually I am her boyfriend. And you are?" Josh asked him challengingly.

"Boys, boys. No need to make a scene." Noelle said with a sharp look in both of their directions. I silently thanked her as I saw both of them relax a bit. Josh sat back but kept a firm grip on me, almost possessive.

"Well, I guess that would make me Reed's holiday fling." Upton said looking at me but I refused to meet his eyes. Josh's face faltered a bit but he looked at me instead. I pleaded with my eyes to not make a scene. Hopefully he got the message. Our food arrived and Upton excused himself from our table.

"What was that Reed?" He asked me in a low tone.

"It was nothing. Absolutely nothing. We went on a few dates in this past week. Nothing major." I said trying to down play it. I did not want him knowing that I had almost had sex with Upton. It was nothing but lust. I loved Josh and only Josh. Because when I was with him, I felt safe.

"Nothing huh?" He asked smiling my way. He had to know that we were not together and I never thought we would get together ever again.

"I'll have to tell you about it sometime." I said taking a bite of an omelet.

"Honestly, I'm just glad that I am here and with you. I love you, Reed." He said kissing my fingers one at a time. I no longer wanted to be here in this restaurant but alone with him on the beach.

"Oh God, get a room you guys!" Kiran giggled and then before I could respond, I was swept out of the chair and I was in Josh's arms.

"Not a bad idea." Josh said as he carried me out the door. I giggled as we passed all of the diners enjoying their lunches. I put my arms around his neck and held on as he sprinted toward the beach. He gently dropped me onto the sand and kissed me as if he hadn't seen me in years. This made me giggle and he took that as encouragement. We kissed passionately until we were both out of breath.

"Josh, I am so sorry about everything." I said in between kisses. He stopped and leaned back for a second. He looked into my eyes as if he was searching for answers. Not even I had all of the answers.

"Reed, when Sabine almost…. When I thought that I had lost you, I stopped caring about what happened." He said cupping my cheek in his free hand.

"No matter what we go through, I will always love you. Nothing and no one will stand in my way when it comes to you. Not even Mr. Proper English." He said kissing me on my forehead and then the tip of my nose. I wrinkled my nose and smiled at him.

"About Upton…" I wanted to tell him the truth and come completely clean with him. I wanted him to know exactly what I have been feeling these last couple of weeks so that he could understand.

"Reed… its ok." He said stopping me from explaining. I opened my mouth again and he kissed me to shut me up this time. I felt a warm feeling spread throughout me.

"How did I get so lucky bagging the sweetest and most handsome guy in all of Easton?" I asked leaning into him and sighing. I wanted him and only him. It was time for us to finally go the whole way.

"You forgot smartest." He said matter-of-factly.

"No I didn't." I said giggling at him. He playfully glared at me and then started to tickle my sides. I jumped up and ran down the beach. I had forgotten how fast he ran because he caught up quickly. I felt his hands grabbing my sides and then his strong arms lifting me into the air.

"Josh! Put me down!" I squealed.

"Never." He whispered in my ear. I leaned my head against his chest and turned to face him. He reached around and kissed me slowly and romantically.

"Will you at least carry me to my room… so we can be alone." I said suggestively. His eyebrows shot up and he looked surprised.

"As in, the two of us alone?" He asked. I nodded and he started to run with me. I giggled at his eagerness.

I had never felt happier that I did at this very moment. Laying under the covers in my bed with Josh softly breathing on me. And our skin touching, touching touching. It seemed like he had gently touched every part of me. I sighed happily as I looked out the window and watched the sun set over the horizon. And as I watched it dip below the horizon, I wished that this moment would never end.


	4. Chapter 4

The plane ride back to Easton was amazing. I slept on Josh's shoulder the whole way home. When we landed he woke me up with a small kiss. I looked up at him and smiled so wide that all of my teeth were showing. Although I was glad that we were back, I was not looking forward to seeing Ivy again. I had no idea how she would feel once she saw that Josh and I were together again. I had yet to ask Josh what had happened between him and Ivy and part of me did not want to know. Because we had just started to become friends and here I was stealing her boyfriend. Although, to be fair, she stole him from me first.

"Are you ok?" Josh asked me. I must have looked distracted to him.

"Yeah I am fine. Just thinking, that's all." I said smiling at him. For the first time since we have seen each other, we were not touching or holding hands. He looked nervous as we drove past the gates of Easton.

"What are you doing?" I asked him looking back at the gates. He shouldn't have passed them, he was supposed to turn in.

"I need to talk to you for a minute before we go back." He said pulling over onto the side of the road and running his hands through his blond curls. He was so nervous that he was making me just as nervous and I had no idea why.

"Ok, what about? Is it Ivy?" I asked bringing up the one thing that was making me nervous about going back. He looked at me with wide eyes and nodded slowly.

"Yes… yes it is. You see, I technically have not broken up with her." He said looking down at his lap. I sat there staring at him because I was sure that I had not heard him right. Did he just say that he did not break up with her? As in they were still together? As in all of this bliss that I have been experiencing the last couple of days was not real?

"What…?" It was the only word that I could get out. I could not formulate any full sentences at all. My mind was a complete blank at the news that he was delivering.

"After what had happened and her being in the hospital looking so weak… I just could not put even more things on her plate. So I haven't broken up with her. I am so sorry Reed." He said reaching for my hand. I pulled back automatically because this was something that I would have expected from Upton or Thomas… the players. But not my sweet, caring Josh. He was supposed to be the one who would never do anything like this.

"Josh… are you kidding me?" I practically yelled at him. I wanted him to hold me and tell me that he was kidding. That it was all some huge big lie and that he loved me.

"I'm sorry Reed…" But I would not let him finish because I was so furious with him. This was not what I wanted to hear.

"Josh… we had SEX! We had amazing, wonderful SEX! We just spent the last few days together. And you choose to tell this to me now! How could you?!" I said still yelling at him. I was so upset that tears were rolling down my face.

"Reed. I love you. That is always going to be true! But right now, Ivy is vulnerable and she needs me. As soon as I can I will break up with her, I promise. I am so sorry." Josh said reaching for my hand once more. I let him take hold of my hand because all I wanted to do was cry and have him hold me.

"Josh… this isn't like you. How could you do something like this? Do you love her?" I asked instantly regretting the fact that I had asked because the look on his face validated what I feared all along. How could he love her and love me? How could he sit there and tell me that he loved me but still be with Ivy? It just didn't make sense. That's when it hit me that I was falling in love with Upton while I still loved Josh. I hung my head and pulled my hand from under Josh's cold hands.

"Take me home Josh." I said looking out the window. I no longer wanted to be around him anymore.

"Reed, I…" I shook my head before he could say another word.

"No. Josh. Take me home." I said firmly. He sighed and put the car in drive before he turned the car around. He drove me back to campus and I could see Easton in our view. I just wanted to be back in Billings with my friends and forget this entire thing. As soon as he put his car in park he turned to talk to me again. I opened the door and grabbed my things while heading up to Billings. I was done with Josh Hollis. I could not even look at him without wanting to vomit.

"Reed! Reed! Come on!" Josh said loudly from behind me. I just kept walking.

"Reed! Geez, what did Hollis do? You guys were right behind us." Noelle said. She looked at me and took in my pale skin, and my sour look. She grabbed my bags and walked upstairs. I followed her obediently.

"Reed, welcome to your new room." Noelle said opening the door to her room. She had her stuff pushed to one side and she had left part of the room free for me. I looked at her with a surprised look on my face. I could not believe that Noelle wanted to share a room with me. She only ever had shared a room with Ariana.

"Are you serious?" I asked completely baffled. She smiled knowingly and dropped my stuff on top of my already made bed. All of my clothes were in my closet already and my books were on my desk with my laptop. She had moved all of stuff from my other dorm into this one.

"Reed, don't you know that I am always serious?" She asked. She sat at her dresser and started to brush her hair. She glanced back at me through the mirror and then put her brush down.

"What's wrong Reed?" She asked me. I sighed debating on whether I should tell her how much of a loser I actually was because of what had happened. I decided that I needed to vent and I definitely wanted to tell her.

"Josh just told me that he hasn't broken up with Ivy at all… can you believe that? We were hooking up these last couple of days and just NOW decides to tell me that he has not broken up with Ivy! Can you believe that?!?!" I practically yelled. I sat down on my bed and put my head in my hands. Noelle jumped up off of her bed and came over to wrap her arms around me.

"That is not right. Don't worry, we will make Hollis pay." Noelle said with a distant look on her face. I looked at her and shook my head. I did not want Josh to pay because a part of me felt guilty for almost falling in love with Upton. Even though in the end I ended up with no one.

"I don't want anything to happen to him. I still love him Noelle." I said.

"Please, he made a fool of you basically." She scoffed. I shook my head.

"Noelle, please. I am going to deal with this like the adult that I am. And you are going to not do anything either." I said pointedly. She sighed and started to pull out the many cashmere sweaters out of her bag. She threw them all in her closet instead of hanging them up.

"If it were me, I would make him pay. However, this is your fight and I will play it like you want." She said dumping the rest of her stuff onto her bed. I pulled my own stuff onto my bed and started to unpack. I placed all of my clothes in my dresser and hung up the rest of my clothes.

"Its just that I cant believe that he would do that. I freaking had sex with him and he never once said anything about Ivy." I said looking back at her to see her reaction. She had her back to me and she was throwing things all over her side of the room. She had so much stuff that it pained me to see her just disgard it like that.

"Well, it would have ruined the mood." She said nonchalantly.

"So what. The entire time he was making out with me and telling me that he loved me and didn't want to ever leave me… what was that? A line to get me into bed with him? I mean come on, that is so not Josh." I said.

"Reed. I don't know what is going through his mind. All I know is that what he did was wrong and I would not give him the time of day." She said looking at me expectantly. I nodded because I no longer wanted to see him or give him any of my time. Not if he loved and cared about Ivy.

"Anyway, enough about this. Guess who is a new student here!" She said readjusting a picture of her and Dash on the beach from just a week ago. They looked so cute together.

"Who?" I asked thankful for the distraction.

"Upton." She said staring at me with a big smile on her face. I was sure that I had just turned as pale as a ghost in that moment.


	5. Chapter 5

"You have got to be kidding me." I said wishing that she was kidding. I had let Upton on a good note and this was not going to help at all. I sighed as I sat on my bed wondering why I was still at Easton. This place was nothing but drama and it was driving me nuts.

"Oh Reed, I know that you are mad at him for running after Poppy… but you have to get over that. The kid transferred to Easton to be with you. He is head over heels for you. And the best thing of all? Poppy, Paige or anyone else from the islands will not be here with the two of you." Noelle said. She was right. The reason that Upton and I never worked out was because of Poppy and her little jealous friends. If its true and Upton did transfer here to be with me then maybe I should give him another chance. Part of me wanted to go out and find him right now but I decided to act cool and have him come to me.

"Maybe you are right." I said going through my closet to find a cute outfit to wear for dinner.

"When are you going to realize? I am always right." Noelle said laughing. I rolled my eyes and continued to rummage through my stuff. An hour later, I had on the perfect black sweater and jeans. It was something simple but Noelle let me borrow her cream colored designer jacket to go with it. It looked perfect. I looked perfect and to be honest, I wanted Josh to see me and regret his decision.

I got out of line with my food on my tray. I was trying to balance all of it while I walked to the Billings table. This is the first time in a long time that I would be sitting at my table once more. I was so happy to be back in Billings and be sitting at the table again with the people who were my friends.

God, Reed you would think that you haven't eaten in weeks." Portia said looking down at my food with a wrinkled nose. I started to turn red because I had so much food compared to everyone else. It was because I was hungry and I had felt like I hadn't eaten for weeks or slept for weeks or anything else. Not since Sabine tried to kill me and then this whole thing with someone else trying to kill me was not helping. As I sat there worrying about who it was that could possibly have tried to kill me, I felt a familiar hand touch the small of my back. Chills ran up and down my spine and I wanted that familiar hand to hold me.

"Good Evening Reed." Upton said in his perfect English accent. I smiled at him. It was a small smile that made him feel comfortable enough to sit next to me. I wanted to talk him then and there but I did not want to talk to him in front of everyone.

"So, Upton… why have you chosen to come to Easton?" I asked him in a low tone. He smiled at me and placed a hand on top of mine.

"I guess it would be because of the people… one person to be exact." He said giving my hand a small squeeze. I blushed and turned my head away willing myself not to fall into his charm just yet. When I turned my head away I saw Josh sitting next to Ivy and his eyes caught mine. I looked back at Upton and he was staring deep into my eyes. And I felt like I was the only girl in the entire room.

"Could we, get away and talk?" He asked looking for a place where we would be able to be alone. I nodded and led the way to the library. In the library we would be able to talk. No one should be there at all because of dinnertime.

"Where are we going?" Upton asked.

"The Library. No one should be there at this time." I said opening the big doors to let us in out of the cold. The librarian was at her desk watching us as we walked past her and toward the book stacks. Once we were sitting amongst the books with not a soul in sight, I turned to him expectantly.

"So…" I said playing with the hem of my shirt. He slowly put his hand over mine to calm me.

"Reed. I came here to show you that I love you and that no one will stand in my way when it comes to you. I want to be with you." He said bending his head to look my in the eyes.

"I love you too Upton." I said feeling weird because just today I had told Josh that I loved him.

"Will you be my girlfriend? My one and only?" He asked cupping my cheek in his hand. I looked up at him and smiled.

"Yes. Yes I will." I said biting my bottom lip because I had no idea what I was doing. Was I acting on anger from Josh or did I really love Upton? I had no clue. I mean I guess I loved Upton. I started to love him while we were on the boat and even before that. He really did care about me and he did love me. He was sweet and gentle and such a gentleman.

"What about…." He trailed off looking down at his shoes. He was thinking about Josh and the day that they met at the restaurant. When Josh told him that I was his girlfriend.

"Its over. Don't worry about that." I said. The second those words came he lifted my chin a little higher so that he could kiss me. He gently and slowly kissed me in a way that made my insides turn to mush. I did not want to let him go. I wanted to kiss him there forever.

"Ahem." The librarian was standing in front of us and she was tapping her foot on the ground in an impatient way. I pulled back from Upton immediately and I had a flash back to the same night that when Mrs. Ryan and Poppy walked in on us. I suddenly felt like I was going to pass out. I jumped away from Upton and the Librarian gave us a disapproving look.

"I guess we have a habit of getting caught huh?" I said looking at him embarrassed. He laughed a full laugh and kissed me on my lips once more.

"Lets go back to dinner, Love." He said taking my hand and leading me back into the dining hall. Back at the Billing table, everyone was talking and laughing about their vacation. Noelle was at the center of it and when she saw me, she made Amberly get up and move so that I could sit next to her with Upton.

"Upton! I didn't know that you were coming to Easton!" Amberly said in her high-pitched voice. I still wanted to claw her eyes out for being such a bitch to me this last semester.

"Well, I thought that I needed a change of scenery and what better way than to spend it with people whom I care about." He said looking only at me.

I spent my first night sleeping in the same room as Noelle and I was surprised to know that I slept like a baby. For some reason, I always felt safe when I was around Noelle. Maybe it was because she had saved my life from her best friend and old roommate. But none the less, I still felt safe.

"Good morning." She said coming out of our bathroom that we connected to our room. The fact that I no longer had to share a bathroom with every other girl on the floor still made me happy.

"Morning." I said jumping out of my bed and making a beeline for the bathroom. When I returned from taking my own shower, Noelle was in front of her mirror in just underwear. She wasn't wearing a bra or anything else. I quickly looked away knowing that my afce was bright red.

"Oh come on, Glass Licker. I thought that I got you over the phobia of nakedness." She said eyeing me in the mirror. I wanted to show her that it didn't bother me so I went over to my closet and started to get dressed right in front of her. I tried to make sure that I was not turning red at all.

"I am comfortable with it." I lied. I finished getting ready and Noelle let me go through all of her clothes to pick out something that would look cute. I wanted to look amazing for Upton. We walked together to breakfast and the whole way there Amberly was on Noelle's other side. I had decided last night that I would try my best to be nice to Amberly. However, she was making it very hard to do so. She was following Noelle around like a sick little puppy.

"Good Morning Ladies." Upton said as he held the door open for us. I smiled at him and he slipped his arms around my waist.

"Good Morning Love." He said searching my eyes. When I looked into his eyes my heart started to melt and all I wanted to do was lose myself in them. Someone behind us made a sound and I was brought back to reality. When I looked behind me I saw Josh standing there holding onto Ivy's hand. She looked weak in his strong arms.

"Hey Ivy." I said being friendly to her. Before she got shot we actually started to work together and become sort of friends. I had nothing against her at all. She didn't steal my boyfriend because I had lost him on my own. And she tried to save my life which is what was making me feel worse about this whole thing. She saved me and I slept with her boyfriend who was supposed to be there for her in her time of need. What a great person I was.

"Reed." She said smiling at me. It wasn't like her other smiles which were condescending or mean. This was a genuine smile.

"Ivy, I just wanted to say thank you. And I am so sorry." I said in a sudden rush of words. Suddenly, Josh looked alarmed as if I might tell her what had happened the last couple of days.

"Don't worry about it Reed. By the way, nice job on almost dying again. I swear its like you have a death wish." Ivy laughed. I shook my head smiling because she was right. Sometimes I even wondered what was wrong with me. And with that, she walked past me with Josh and he wouldn't even look me in the eye.

"Are you ready for breakfast?" Upton as with one hand around my waist. I smiled up at him and tried to ignore the aching in my heart.


End file.
